Adult Children of Remarried Parents

It occurred to me this morning that I have been a member of a blended family for nearly than 16 years. I am dense, I know.

My father remarried in 1995, exactly one week before my first wedding. Sadly, I have never met my three bonus siblings. It wasn’t until we all connected on FaceBook that I had any regular communication with them. Proximity is the issue — and money for travel. He was married out of state and wound up relocating to the state in which they were married. I have only seen my father once in the past 10 years for this very reason. Travel is too costly.

I have heard of adult children having issues when their parents remarry, but this wasn’t the case for me. I was happy that my dad had found a new partner. I was sad when they moved away, but as adults that is their choice.

The thought that I am pondering now is how adult children of blended families can try to hold their parents hostage. I saw my ex do this when his father remarried. Not only did he badmouth his future stepmom, but he also felt very put-out that his dad would have a teenage stepdaughter — as if she was usurping his place with his father. It boggled my mind. How selfish can one get? Parents have the right to find love, security, and companionship.

Can it be that even adult children of divorce still hold out hope for their parents’ reconciliation?

Maybe it boils down to insecurity… jealousy… competitiveness. My ex certainly has those qualities — in abundance. Or perhaps it is the belief that the parent is choosing the wrong person. How is it though, that children will presume that they know better than their parents? That is simply presumptuous and arrogant.

I didn’t make those judgments when my dad remarried. I am genuinely happy for him.

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5 responses to “Adult Children of Remarried Parents

  • Janell

    I’m happy for him and my mom, too :) My kids get an extra Grandpa! By the time we meet in person, at this rate, our kids will all be grown (because we won’t have enough money until then!). –Happy to have you as a Bonus Sibling :) Janell

    • familiesinablender

      Thanks :-D I know! I have been wanting to meet you for the longest time too, especially since we have so much in common mothering-wise. I am happy for your mom, but I also know how challenging my father is. lol

  • Joyce

    I surely never believed when we moved that we would be unable to return to Washington on a regular basis to reunite with you. Sometimes I hate money or the lack of it. It speaks to me and says “See you later! (maybe) I’m so glad we now have Facebook and we get to communicate and that you got to meet your step-siblings. You’re all a terrific bunch!

    Luv u!

  • Joyce

    I love the word “Bonus Siblings” :-)

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